When I first became a parent over 19 years ago, I thought that parenting was all about getting your children to follow the rules and that children had to fit into a small and specfic box. Children were good or bad based on their behavior. I spent a lot of time yelling. Yes, I did have fun playing with my oldest, but I was also very stressed out and spent more time yelling instead of finding connections with them and my other children. It took my family nearly falling apart before I found a new way to parent. One that focuses on connection, understanding, and empowerment.
I learned about a new parenting approach through Dayna Abraham’s Lemon Lime Adventures https://lemonlimeadventures.com/ on Facebook and joined her free group before joining the Calm the Chaos 90 day program and then continuing on in the program. I joined looking for a way to deal with meltdowns and poor behavior and learned that the way to help chaos in my life was by making connections, first with myself, and then with my family.
At first, I thought the process was insane. Focusing on myself, finding connections, and celebrating small wins didn’t seem like it would help my family at all. How could focusing on myself help my family? I was struggling and my family was struggling. All I wanted was a quick fix, but sometimes, a quick fix isn’t what we need and isn’t the best thing for us.
Connection is everything and connecting with yourself is so important because it helps you focus on connecting with your family and others around you. I am neurodivergent and there are many things that cause me to disregulate. Finding ways to calm myself during my own disregulation through Dayna’s Stop, Breathe, Anchor (SBA) has helped me when my own children are having big feelings and emotions. This is not to say that there aren’t meltdowns, but this is all about progress not perfection. Parenting is never about perfection. Perfect parents and perfect children do not exist, but children aren’t good or bad. Children don’t give their parents, teachers, siblings, or caregivers a hard time; children have a hard time and need help dealing with their big emotions.
Changing my parenting focus from disciplinarian to one that focuses on connection has helped so much. Not only in the way that I parent, but also in the way I interact with my husband and others in my life, but also in the way that I see other’s behavior. I see people as needing connection and understanding, especially, positive connections and understanding that helps empower them to grow as indviduals.
Nurturing Positive Connections 