Children don’t have metldowns because they are bad children. Let me repeat that: Children don’t have meltdowns because they are bad children. Children have meltdowns because all behavior is communication and they are trying to communicate their needs.
Sometimes, as a parent with small children, it can feel like all your child does is have meltdowns. The wrong cup can cause your child to start screaming, crying, or hitting. And sometimes, it seems like nothing you do can help calm your child. In these times the best thing that you can do is to remain calm. Your child needs you to remain calm. You are their first teacher on how to interact with the world. You remaining calm will help them remain calm.
I used to make my children’s meltdowns worse by not remaining calm and arguing with them. I thought I was being calm, but I was no. I was also not meeting each of my children’s individual needs during their meltdowns. Some children need space, some children need to release energy, some children need a hug or physical contact to help regulate their emotions. Always remember during a meltdown: Your child is not giving you a hard time they are having a hard time.
Again your child is not giving you a hard time they are having a hard time and they are communicating this to you. Since all behavior is communication it is your job to find out what that communication means. Lemon Lime Adventures https://lemonlimeadventures.com/ has great resources parenting and understanding children’s behaviors. Once you start to understand what your child’s behavior is trying to communicate, it becomes easier to meet their needs.
Telling a child to use their words during a meltdown does not help you or your child. Your child is communicating their needs. Older ways of parenting expect children to immediately calm down when their parents tell them to stop. I used to use the old way of parenting and it caused my children so much pain because I wasn’t meeting their needs and I wasn’t understanding what their behaviors were communicating to me because I was stuck on them just listening and obeying me. I still make mistakes and I still slip into the old ways of parenting at times, but I am learning and my relationship with my children is improving. It is even helping my relationship with my husband and others around me because I see their behavior as communication. It is this empathy and understanding that I want to impart upon my children and others. My youngest is learning that other people’s behavior is communication and even says that her friends are having a hard time when they are having meltdowns.
Learning what a child is communicating through their behavior also helps curb meltdowns because you start to understand what triggers meltdowns in your child. It also helps you learn what triggers meltdowns in yourself and all people experience meltdowns. The difference is in how people respond to their triggers, once you know what triggers you, then you can use tools to help you remain calm, even when triggered.
My youngest has fewer meltdowns now because I am better at understanding what her behavior is communicating to me and am able to stop meltdowns before they happen, and if she is having a meltdown, I am better able at connecting with her and helping her through it. Connection helps us better understand what are child are communicating to us and helps us understand that all behavior is communication.
Nurturing Positive Connections 